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Rock and Roll Book Club

The Current's Rock and Roll Book Club: Michelle Leon's 'I Live Inside'

Babes in Toyland in 1989 - Michelle Leon at left
Babes in Toyland in 1989 - Michelle Leon at leftMinnesota Historical Society Press

by Andrea Swensson

March 15, 2016

I've been a fan of Michelle Leon's writing since first meeting her in 2008 while working at City Pages; she was an intern, studying writing at Metro State and just starting to dip her toes into the publishing world, and I thought it was mind-blowingly cool that a member of Babes in Toyland was going to start contributing articles to my music section.

Much like her bass playing in that seminal band, Michelle's writing was direct, measured, and unpretentious; even though she was just starting to experiment with different forms, it was clear she already had her own style. When she mentioned that she was starting to work on a memoir and hinted at what the book might be about, I knew it was going to be powerful.

What I didn't anticipate was that Michelle would have me literally gasping out loud by the second page of her book. In the span of just a paragraph — 10 short sentences, to be exact — she fires off a lifetime of revelations in quick succession. Under the headline "Things I've Been Told," she shoots out these memories like arrows at a bullseye, hitting the mark over and over again: "Your butt is too big to be a bass player. His blood stained the sidewalk. She stopped breathing, turned blue, then came back. I might have given you crabs."

By the fifth page of I Live Inside: Memoirs of a Babe in Toyland, we're already flying to London with Babes in Toyland for their first European tour, and a few pages later we're flying back through time to the first moment Michelle lays eyes on her future bandmates Lori Barbero and Kat Bjelland. Through this unflinching series of short vignettes, we start to get a sense of the bigger picture — this isn't just a story about being in a band. This is a story about the complexities of female friendships, taking a chance on your passion, wandering wide-eyed through the Minneapolis punk explosion of the 1980s, and watching in quiet horror as tragedy sears holes through a rock 'n' roll dream.

While there are certainly joyful moments in the book — the sense of belonging and camaraderie Michelle finds in music is palpable — the story is most gripping in its portrayal of life's dualities. Going on tour is fun, but also kind of awful. People get on each other's nerves. The loneliness of the road can be all-consuming. Sexism is pervasive. Drugs and booze only seem to amplify the ugliness. And the whole façade can fall apart in an instant.

Michelle's breaking point comes when her on-again, off-again boyfriend and confidant, Joe Cole, is murdered in Los Angeles while she is overseas in England. It's a devastating moment in the book, made even more heart-wrenching by the fact that Michelle has pulled us all the way into her world by this point, keeping the reader so close that we feel that we are curled up inside the same cocoon she retreats to in her mind. We see her trying to navigate through the situation's gravity and resenting her own grief; we brace as she shatters and becomes untethered from reality, wandering aimlessly in search of solace. And we hold our breath as she sprints through scene, scene, scene, hoping for some kind of resolution.

It's potent stuff, and the whole book flies by in a flash. Due to the short chapters and concise, vivid prose, it's easy to flip through the whole thing in one sitting. And by the end, you feel like you were not only offered a front-row seat to the rise of one of the Twin Cities' most influential bands, but also a the messy, passionate, and perplexing process of finding your footing in the music world. It's empowering to witness a women telling her own story in her own way, and Michelle Leon has done it tremendously.

Michelle Leon will be at the Electric Fetus in Minneapolis on Wednesday at 7 p.m. for a book release and signing event. Enter below for a chance to win your own copy of I Live Inside.

The Current's Michelle Leon I Live Inside Giveaway

Use this form to enter The Current's Michelle Leon I Live Inside giveaway between 11 a.m. CT on Monday, March 14 and 11:59 p.m. CDT on Tuesday, March 22, 2015.

Ten (10) winners will receive one (1) hardcover copy of Michelle Leon's I Live Inside: Memoirs of a Babe in Toyland. Three (3) back up names will be drawn.

Prize retail value: $18

We will contact the winner on Wednesday, March 23, 2016. Winner must accept by 10 a.m. CT on Thursday, March 24, 2016.

You must be 13 or older to submit any information to American Public Media. The personally identifying information you provide will not be sold, shared, or used for purposes other than to communicate with you about things like our programs, products, and services. See Minnesota Public Radio's Terms of Use and Privacy Statement.

This giveaway is subject to Minnesota Public Radio's 2016 Official Giveaway Rules.